[for betteralready] whispers hello, I miss you quite terribly [1803]

[midship]

This should, objectively, be the best day of his life. Somehow, it isn't.

The HMS Hotspur truly is the most beautiful sloop Horatio has ever laid eyes on. Command of her truly is the pinnacle he's aspired to through all the blood, sweat, and tears of these last long, painful years. By all accounts, taking the deck ought to be a purely blissful thing.

Somehow, Horatio hasn't slept a wink all night. Somehow, even as he pulls on his uniform in the chilly hours of the morning, his stomach is roiling and unquiet. Somehow, for all he ought objectively skipping bodily over the waves, he's practically stumbling by the time he hits the dock and shaking as he bundles into the jolly boat.

He feels dreadful--genuinely dreadful. The rock of the sea under his feet will hardly do much to improve his already quarrelsome stomach.

(More than that, the best day of his life had already come to pass. The best day of his life had been when Archie Kennedy squeezed his hand tight and took a first shaking step from his cot.)

Thank goodness his first lieutenant will be with him in the little skiff. Thank goodness he'll have a chance to begin to collect himself before he has to set foot on the Hotspur's deck.

On his deck.

The joy mixes with nausea again, and Horatio's fingers fumble for the nearest something solid to catch hold of.

Comments

[betteralready]

There, that's much better. That has Archie smiling, soft and genuine, when Horatio turns to him.

It's hard not to kiss him, but this isn't the place for it. Instead he dips his head just a hint closer to Horatio's in a gentle nod and smiles the grin that's entirely for Horatio, these days.

"Always, Captain Hornblower," he says, "Now-- Shall we meet the lady, sir?"

The 'we' feels so incredibly important.

[midship]

The boys are already scrambling up the side. The junior officers are hefting themselves into the ladder. There's no turning back from this moment.

(A piece of him still panics at the height of the cliff. Against William Bush's spine, his fingers catch a brief tight hold of Archie Kennedy's, and jumping becomes the easiest thing in the world.)

It's a glancing thing. His fingers barely touch Archie's palm. But, for a moment, it feels like he's got the briefest hold of his dearest friend's hand.

"After you, lieutenant."

[betteralready]

Archie returns the gentle curling of fingers as best he can, brief though it has to be. Once he has, he shifts to give Horatio a smart salute before moving towards the ladder.

"Aye aye, sir."

[midship]

It's terribly reassuring to watch Archie moving nimbly up the side of the Hotspur. It's getting faintly easier to pretend he isn't actually looking at his first lieutenant's rear end as the man moves ahead of him.

One last deep breath. One last moment to steady his nerves.

There's a different smile in his eyes when he makes it up onto the deck. It isn't the contented little grin he's gotten used to with Archie. It sits somewhere in the back of his otherwise sober expression.

It's going to be impossible not to duck his head and grin for the actual salute, of course.

these boys and the booty checkouts ; ;

[betteralready]

Horatio looks so happy. Horatio looks happy, and ready, and Archie can't help the way his heart nearly bursts from his chest to see it. He can't bask in it for too long, with how much there is to do, but he lingers as long as he can and moves with as much efficiency as he can manage to get the tasks he needs to done so they can have just a moment alone to properly celebrate.

It won't happen until after they've settled Major Cotard (who's just enough stubbornness and pride to remind him of Alexander, though the similarities end with the uniform and the noble birth.) It won't happen until after they've tested the men on the guns (and Mr. Hammond is such an eager, nervous thing; so very like Horatio though so much slower at picking up the knowledge.) But it will happen at last-- a moment's privacy that they're blessedly guaranteed in a way no other time aboard a ship has allowed them.

Hopefully Horatio recognizes the brisk knock on his door as Archie. Hopefully Horatio is actually alone, if only for a minute or two.

A CANON THING IN THE SHOW

[midship]

Every new piece wears on Horatio. Every moment settles between his shoulders like a tiny weight, despite the continued soaring of his heart.

It leaves him faintly exhausted once he's finally packed away into his own little cabin. It requires at least a few moments with his head in his hands before he notices the knock.

Recognizing it slumps his shoulders with relief. "--come in."

a v. important canon thing!!!

[betteralready]

"Sir."

It's a chipper enough greeting as he enters; an appropriate one while still in earshot of the Marine stationed outside the door and the men going about their business nearby. His fond smile stays on his face even as he shuts the door firmly behind him and approaches his captain.

"All right, Horatio?"

[midship]

Thank goodness for First Lieutenant Archibald Kennedy. Thank goodness for half a moment's peace to let the exhaustion bleed through his features and his attention focus on solely one thing for a few heartbeats.

One hand is offered as soon as the door's shut.

"A-All right, Archie."

[betteralready]

And that hand is taken, as soon as he's crossed the room. That hand is having a quick kiss pressed against it and is going to be firmly squeezed as it is.

It's just that Archie's going to have to drop the hand, in order to get his own settled around Horatio's shoulders. He carries so much tension there, he can't help but want to try to ease it, some.

"You sure? You already seem much more tired than I'd like."

Certainly more exhausted than had been Archie's goal, as he'd done his best to get everything shipshape.

"What can I help with, mm?"

[midship]

Archie's here. Archie's squeezing his hand and kissing his knuckles. Archie's close beside him now, where no one would care if the two of them stood a little too close and looked a little too adoring.

"You've done more than enough."

Particularly now that they had a moment to breathe. Particularly now that Archie is here to let him rest their foreheads together for a deep, calming breath.

"Just... stay here a minute."

[betteralready]

"Of course."

That's easy enough to do. That's something he's more than happy to do, even. That has him bumping noses fondly with Horatio even as he settles to rest their foreheads together.

"'s everything okay?"

[midship]

"Everything's fine."

It's just that everything's better when he can rest his forehead against Archie's. Everything's better when their noses are bumping together and their breath mingling properly.

They'll make it through all the little excitements and misadventures. They'll survive the broader difficulties if they can keep coming back to this genuinely safe place.

[betteralready]

"And you'll tell me if it's not, mm?"

Because that what makes this feel more balanced; what makes him feel like he's really properly taking care of him.

That what makes him a lot more able to relax into this comfortable sense of being together; has him smiling quite contentedly already.

[midship]

It isn't the same as being able to hide away in a boarding house. It isn't the same as it will be once they've all been at sea for ages.

Still, it helps him breathe more easily now to have even this.

"I will. I hope-- you will too, Archie."

[betteralready]

"I think I'd be rather remiss in my duties as your first lieutenant if I didn't."

The gentle tease has to come first. It's important, after all, to tie in who they are to one another outside these doors into these quiet moments; to make it safe.

It's just that it's also going to be followed by a quick squeeze and a brush of his lips against Horatio's cheek.

"But I will, 'ratio. I promise."

[midship]

They'll survive. They'll actually enjoy the wonderful fortune of being young men in positions of comparative power, able to make a new order on their little sloop.

Horatio only barely catches himself back from a proper kiss. His fingers simply catch contentedly at his lieutenant's waist for a moment, curling tight into the fabric of Archie's jacket.

[betteralready]

Maybe someday they'll feel safe enough to steal kisses, here in the safety of Horatio's cabin. Someday certainly isn't today, when everything is still getting sorted out.

But they can hold one another for a little longer, at least. Archie won't be able to help the contented little sigh as they do.

"Thank God we're here."

They get to properly enjoy being with one another. It's such a blessing.

[midship]

That gets a briefly shaky inhale from Horatio.

"Thank you, Archie. For-- coming with me."

For being willing to be a first lieutenant when he might well have been a captain. For pushing through from the edge of death twice.

For always seeming to be there when Horatio was hurtling toward the edge of a cliff.

[betteralready]

"'s nowhere else I'd rather be, 'ratio."

It's absolutely a promise. It's absolutely the truth.

[midship]

After all these years, it's gotten easier to trust the wonderful things Archie says. After all the sacrifices, it's gotten easier to believe that this is where they're both meant to be.

"There's... no one else I'd rather have beside me."

[betteralready]

"I'm glad to hear it."

Said with another kiss to his cheek.

"'ve got-- no intention of leaving, y'see."

[midship]

It still feels good to hear. It still relaxes something in Horatio's spine.

"Is that a promise, Mr. Kennedy?"

It must be, he figures, since the question is whispered against Archie's cheek in this lovely cramped little cabin.

i promise you archie has done this trick several times since horatio's promotion

[betteralready]

"If you want it to be, Mr. Hornblower."

And then there's a mischievous little grin as he leans closer and whispers rather pointedly in Horatio's ear, "Sir."

The word always elicits such a pleasant reaction from Horatio, whenever Archie's saying it so teasingly as this.

r u d e

[midship]

It isn't fair. It isn't fair when they're clinging close like this. It isn't fair with Archie's breath warm against the shell of his ear and fingers tight in the fabric of his jacket.

"A-Archie."

It isn't at all becoming for his cheeks to be flushed this red.

he just loves :3

[betteralready]

It isn't at all becoming, but it's certainly an attractive thing. It's certainly something that has Archie chuckling warmly and encourages him to pepper a few kisses against Horatio's jaw.

"My apologies, sir," he murmurs, "I should wait until we get a better sense of the lay of the land."

And that's a genuine enough statement as he pulls back just slightly and disentangles one hand to cup at Horatio's blushing cheek.

"I wish we-- could properly celebrate, though."

They already had on land, yes, but this was something else entirely.

so much ;3;

[midship]

"Soon enough, Archie."

They had always been infinitely cautious before. They had always kept themselves mostly stuck to land, to places where they could be properly locked away from the rest of the world. What a thrilling thing it would be, having their own door to close on a ship.

"I promise."

indeed so ;3;

[betteralready]

"Good."

Because that allows him to drop his hands, though he can't help the way they reach to catch at Horatio's, still. That, at least, is slightly more proper than the embrace they'd managed to get themselves tangled up in, in the event they're interrupted.

"God, we've-- really made it, 'ratio."

[midship]

Horatio knows the hands holding his. He knows the smooth skin and the scars; the soft lines and firm callouses. There's nothing in the world so reassuring, he's certain, as having those hands tangled with his.

"Have we?"

There's the tiniest uncertainty in the back of his heart, still. There's the tiniest prick of knowledge that Archie, by rights, ought to be angling for the captaincy he had been handed--and had, in some miracle of devotion, simply followed him instead.

[betteralready]

"Of course we have."

And of course Archie's squeezing his hands with an excited little smile.

"Look at us-- We're the two highest officers on the same ship. So long as we're-- good to the men and in good physical and mental health, no one can-- take that from us. Can take us from one another or-- hurt us without punishment."

It's such a thrilling thought, Archie can't help but lean forward, pressing eager little kisses against Horatio's knuckles to keep himself from moving in completely to kiss him properly.

"And when you're-- made Commodore, you can make me Captain of your flagship, and we'll keep-- following one another up the ranks until we're-- old and grey Admirals that take tea together and complain about these-- young whippersnappers causing a ruckus on the sea. You see? We're-- so much safer, now."

There's still the sea, of course, and the likely impending war, and mutiny and illness and a whole host of other things that could take them from one another, but at least the Navy and higher officers aren't going to be able to steal them away from one another. It's such a blessing.

"'s long as you don't-- throw yourself into danger quite so wholeheartedly we'll-- really have a-- proper chance."

To be together. To be happy.

[midship]

There isn't a thing in the world, Horatio is fairly certain, as stunningly wonderful as seeing Archie Kennedy beam properly from a close distance.

Listening, in this safe quiet space, to the wonderful future Archie sees is a close second all the same. It's certainly painfully overwhelming. It isn't quite enough to keep themselves held back to the safety of kissed fingers. This is a petrifying cliff to leap from, but Horatio has long since learned to leap with barely a second thought.

His lips find Archie's only briefly, only lightly, but with a definite moment of contented presence.

[betteralready]

Archie can't help but lean in again, to chase the kiss. Can't help but kiss Horatio once more, just quickly, his fingers still squeezing tightly at his hands.

Can't help the murmur as he leans back again, reluctant as ever to be parted from him even by this much space, "I love you."

[midship]

They can't steal more than this, for now. They likely won't be able to even walk too close together for a few hours now, after even this brief time locked away together.

It has Horatio dizzy with glee all the same.

"I-- love you, Archie."

[betteralready]

"I know."

He's known for some time now, for all it didn't feel safe to say until recently.

"And we'll-- show it again soon enough."

Not now, unfortunately, but soon.

[midship]

"Soon enough."

Squeezing Archie's hands has a sense of finality to it. Thank goodness it's actually very much a beginning.

"Go. Set the men to gun drills again, will you?"

[betteralready]

"Taskmaster," he tells him with a teasing grin and another quick kiss to Horatio's knuckles before he moves to stand.

"You'll tell me everything I'm-- allowed to know about our mission later?"

Because of course they'll be later. Of course the captain and the first lieutenant are allowed to spend a considerable amount of time together, especially at the beginning of a voyage.

Of course Archie's looking for every excuse to be able to spend that time.

[midship]

"Later."

They'll have to manage their way around their duty, of course. They'll have to find how to balance their roles and their devotion; their need for time as captain and first lieutenant, their ability to take time as lovers.

Now that they're properly here, it feels infinitely possible.