Dear Horatio, I could have kissed you the very day you set foot on the Justinian.
[Just because Horatio seemed to be an attractive and kind soul. It had taken years to realise the true depth of humble gentleness combined with a wicked intelligence and tactical brilliance hidden behind a man who stumbled over his words when he felt out of his depth.]
[Suddenly, there are too many thoughts whirling in Horatio's mind. There are years of friendship to run back through and ponder over and search for clues that the idle (dangerous) impulses in his chest would have been welcome. There are thousands of small moments to go back and sift through, wondering after possibilities and hurts and the oddity of human affection. There are half a dozen moments that crowd for attention, rattling and shuddering against his heart in a painful cacophony of his own fragile emotions.
There's no thought to leaning forward again, lips pressing briefly firm against Archie's--only impulse and want and a strange new sensation of relief from some unnamed hurt in the back of his gut.
The kiss is chaste and momentary, but that doesn't stop Horatio murmuring as he pulls back.] --sorry.
[ An apology Archie quickly chases down and kisses from Horatio's lips in case there's anything else to follow. ]
You could hardly be a tactical genius and a mind-reader all in one, Horatio. I simply won't allow it.
[ Besides, he respected Horatio too much to put the man's future career in danger. Rome might consider a romance between two men to be acceptable, but the Articles were clear. ]
[It's rather difficult not to grin with Archie pressing in for a thoughtless little kiss. The gesture is so easy, so natural, so perfectly comfortable in the best friendship Horatio had ever known.
His breath comes in a soft, happy huff, forehead dropping comfortably into place for the moment against Archie's.
It would be lovely to be all things for Archie. It would be no less than Archie deserved, after all, to be adored by someone actually genuinely perfect. In a time and place like this, with duty eased and punishment infinitely far away, Horatio imagines a man could even become more perfect in the concentrated effort to perform well as a devotee. And yet--here Archie stands, as ever, accepting him exactly as he is.
The silence that grips Horatio for a moment is somewhere between a delirium of joy and the same overwhelmed confusion which had clung to him in his first twenty-four hours asea.]
[ The resting of their foreheads together feels familiar, harking back to shared quiet moments at sea when there was nothing to do but be glad about life and the company one shared it with. It's something of a relief to find that same comfort here with the feel of Horatio's mouth on his.]
Come on.
[ It's important to keep hold of Horatio's hand as he steps toward the bed. Sharing kisses hasn't changed anything so far as he's concerned, and he hopes a gentle tug towards bed will communicate that.
And since he can hardly help himself--] Though if you're hoping to put a notch in my bedpost, you're out of luck tonight. I'm about ready to sleep like the dead.
[Thank goodness for the hand tugging his own. It keeps the sudden rush of panic at the painfully gentle tease from entirely running away with Horatio's thoughts.]
Oh-- no, I--
[Archie's tugging, gentle and not insistent, just enough to prompt Horatio to step closer with him. Archie's smiling, calm and clearly contented, exactly as bright and easy as he's ever been when genuinely at ease.]
--we-- I can--
[But he can't get this wrong. He can't miss something here and wreck this precious thing they've just found themselves at the edge of.]
--should--?
[He doesn't want to go. He wants, desperately, to climb into Archie's bed and enjoy the comfort of being unashamed to curl in close and safe.
[ It's nice to know someone well enough to guess at the inner turmoil from the outward emotions. Archie's patient as Horatio stutters his way through a handful of unfinished, then reaches forward to grab him by his waist and tries to pull them down onto the bed. ]
Come on, you great pillock. [ There. Now they're on the bed. Both on the bed and they've kissed and the world hasn't ended. Archie keeps his hands about Horatio's waist but doesn't move to kiss him. There are Thoughts going on inside that head. ]
[Following directions has always been easy. Horatio can stumble through being tugged and a gentle 'come on.' It's easiest when it's Archie, even--someone Horatio trusts even more than he trusts himself.
For a few heartbeats, all he has to do is settle down into Archie's bed. All he has to do is breathe and feel the warmth of the other man's arm around him and focus on how the world isn't falling to pieces, no matter how long the world kept spinning away from having pressed their lips together.
His breath comes a little more slowly and evenly after a moment. His head shifts and dips, briefly pressing in against Archie's temple just briefly for balance.]
[ Horatio is every bit as lovely here as he was standing up. Having their heads bent close together is still delightful. Every moment that this continues not to be a dream is a relief and a miracle.
Archie catches Horatio's elbow and soothes a thumb over the skin. He feels like he can't stop smiling. ]
(The first time with William had been so rushed and fumbling. There had been too much to drink and too little thinking. Every gasping second of delirious joy had weighed like a sharp reprimand in the morning.
Healing from that, setting things right again, had taken time. The nerves still prickled in the back of Horatio's mind that maybe the bones hadn't actually set right, that things really wouldn't be the same if he ever saw the other lieutenant again.)
For a moment, Horatio squeezes his eyes shut and focuses on the certainty of Archie beside him. This is different. This is better. This is the actual luxury of time, of space, of being able to sort through the nervous way Archie's hand at his elbow pleasantly twists his stomach.
[ Archie has rushed into things with more than one person, caught up in a shared connection or a few too many pints. All in all it doesn't worry him. It isn't in him to dwell on those moments of mutual pleasure.
And he likes to think he's past dwelling on the other experiences. ]
I'd be more worried about that if I were a French clipper. [ And even then, he'd be quite willing to put himself in those capable slender hands.
But it does touch something in him that Horatio is worried about this, about doing it right.] So long as... we both say what we're thinking, I doubt we can go wrong.
It's a simple enough thing. It's something most people would manage with barely a thought, shifting whatever it was inside them that stopped the constant rush of words everyone else was apparently walking around holding back.
Other than Horatio, anyway. Really, that was pure speculation, given how infrequently the constant low-level panic howling in his head ever crystallized into actual words.
In its own way, all the same, it's a comfort to know that the slight cant of his head and arch of his brow have meaning to the man across from him. Archie knows every exasperated look, ever flicker of contentment--and, embarrassingly, every slight twinge of discomfort and fear and self-loathing. Archie has been reading the soft 'hm's and 'mm's since nearly the first day they'd met.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2019-06-18 10:41 am (UTC)Dear Horatio, I could have kissed you the very day you set foot on the Justinian.
[Just because Horatio seemed to be an attractive and kind soul. It had taken years to realise the true depth of humble gentleness combined with a wicked intelligence and tactical brilliance hidden behind a man who stumbled over his words when he felt out of his depth.]
no subject
Date: 2019-06-19 11:21 am (UTC)There's no thought to leaning forward again, lips pressing briefly firm against Archie's--only impulse and want and a strange new sensation of relief from some unnamed hurt in the back of his gut.
The kiss is chaste and momentary, but that doesn't stop Horatio murmuring as he pulls back.] --sorry.
no subject
Date: 2019-06-19 11:28 am (UTC)You could hardly be a tactical genius and a mind-reader all in one, Horatio. I simply won't allow it.
[ Besides, he respected Horatio too much to put the man's future career in danger. Rome might consider a romance between two men to be acceptable, but the Articles were clear. ]
no subject
Date: 2019-06-23 02:01 am (UTC)His breath comes in a soft, happy huff, forehead dropping comfortably into place for the moment against Archie's.
It would be lovely to be all things for Archie. It would be no less than Archie deserved, after all, to be adored by someone actually genuinely perfect. In a time and place like this, with duty eased and punishment infinitely far away, Horatio imagines a man could even become more perfect in the concentrated effort to perform well as a devotee. And yet--here Archie stands, as ever, accepting him exactly as he is.
The silence that grips Horatio for a moment is somewhere between a delirium of joy and the same overwhelmed confusion which had clung to him in his first twenty-four hours asea.]
no subject
Date: 2019-06-24 10:11 am (UTC)Come on.
[ It's important to keep hold of Horatio's hand as he steps toward the bed. Sharing kisses hasn't changed anything so far as he's concerned, and he hopes a gentle tug towards bed will communicate that.
And since he can hardly help himself--] Though if you're hoping to put a notch in my bedpost, you're out of luck tonight. I'm about ready to sleep like the dead.
no subject
Date: 2019-06-26 11:20 am (UTC)Oh-- no, I--
[Archie's tugging, gentle and not insistent, just enough to prompt Horatio to step closer with him. Archie's smiling, calm and clearly contented, exactly as bright and easy as he's ever been when genuinely at ease.]
--we-- I can--
[But he can't get this wrong. He can't miss something here and wreck this precious thing they've just found themselves at the edge of.]
--should--?
[He doesn't want to go. He wants, desperately, to climb into Archie's bed and enjoy the comfort of being unashamed to curl in close and safe.
But he can't get this wrong.]
no subject
Date: 2019-07-17 09:15 am (UTC)Come on, you great pillock. [ There. Now they're on the bed. Both on the bed and they've kissed and the world hasn't ended. Archie keeps his hands about Horatio's waist but doesn't move to kiss him. There are Thoughts going on inside that head. ]
Now. What are you thinking?
no subject
Date: 2019-07-21 09:17 pm (UTC)For a few heartbeats, all he has to do is settle down into Archie's bed. All he has to do is breathe and feel the warmth of the other man's arm around him and focus on how the world isn't falling to pieces, no matter how long the world kept spinning away from having pressed their lips together.
His breath comes a little more slowly and evenly after a moment. His head shifts and dips, briefly pressing in against Archie's temple just briefly for balance.]
That I... wasn't thinking.
no subject
Date: 2019-07-30 03:58 am (UTC)Archie catches Horatio's elbow and soothes a thumb over the skin. He feels like he can't stop smiling. ]
It's all right. It'll be all right.
[ Talk to him, Horatio. Please. ]
no subject
Date: 2019-07-31 11:31 am (UTC)[This is new. This is different.
(The first time with William had been so rushed and fumbling. There had been too much to drink and too little thinking. Every gasping second of delirious joy had weighed like a sharp reprimand in the morning.
Healing from that, setting things right again, had taken time. The nerves still prickled in the back of Horatio's mind that maybe the bones hadn't actually set right, that things really wouldn't be the same if he ever saw the other lieutenant again.)
For a moment, Horatio squeezes his eyes shut and focuses on the certainty of Archie beside him. This is different. This is better. This is the actual luxury of time, of space, of being able to sort through the nervous way Archie's hand at his elbow pleasantly twists his stomach.
They can get this right.]
I'd hate you to think I'd... rush this.
no subject
Date: 2019-08-05 12:49 pm (UTC)And he likes to think he's past dwelling on the other experiences. ]
I'd be more worried about that if I were a French clipper. [ And even then, he'd be quite willing to put himself in those capable slender hands.
But it does touch something in him that Horatio is worried about this, about doing it right.] So long as... we both say what we're thinking, I doubt we can go wrong.
no subject
Date: 2019-08-08 02:16 am (UTC)It's a simple enough thing. It's something most people would manage with barely a thought, shifting whatever it was inside them that stopped the constant rush of words everyone else was apparently walking around holding back.
Other than Horatio, anyway. Really, that was pure speculation, given how infrequently the constant low-level panic howling in his head ever crystallized into actual words.
In its own way, all the same, it's a comfort to know that the slight cant of his head and arch of his brow have meaning to the man across from him. Archie knows every exasperated look, ever flicker of contentment--and, embarrassingly, every slight twinge of discomfort and fear and self-loathing. Archie has been reading the soft 'hm's and 'mm's since nearly the first day they'd met.
(Maybe that's enough.)]