[Odd, how comforting it had become to catch hold of Archie's hand. Also odd, how natural it felt to squeeze at the other man's familiar fingers, to shift and press the other lieutenant's knuckles briefly against his cheek in a tired gesture of affection.
Not remotely odd, how half the compound must have landed on the idea the two young men were lovers.]
Lead the way, then.
[He'll sleep well, Horatio is fairly certain, with this weight lifted from his chest. Best of all if he's allowed to press in close, tangling long limbs into place so he can press himself in safe against Archie's collarbone. Perhaps he'll even test the theory while he's properly awake.]
[ The walk to his quarters is familiar, though it feels new to undertake it with Horatio's hand in his.
The tightness in his chest is still there. He suspects he won't sleep easily tonight. Not now that Horatio is aware of what the talk is. Not with the man's warm fingers in his own.
For a moment he's caught up in his thoughts, forgetting to make the idle chatter that's usually his domain.
Surely it couldn't be that terrible if they were lovers. ]
[For a moment, the silence is comforting. Horatio has always cleaved to silences, after all, particularly gentle ones that listed idly between friends.
It's just that, abruptly, it occurs to him how rare they are with Archie.
The idea of not taking the other man at his word is nearly impossible. Particularly here, with centuries of breathing room from their true duties, there had never been much reason to believe Archie wasn't being entirely candid with him. And hadn't the man just said things were all right? Hadn't they just made certain of one another again? Wouldn't it be infinitely worse to upset things now by dragging the question out again?
But the silence stretches, and puts a slight squirm into Horatio's shoulders when they reach the other man's door.] --all right, Archie?
I am capable of it, you know. [ He aims for light and cheerful, but he's looking up at his friend and it comes out ponderous.
A moment passes staring at Horatio before he remembers that they're still out on the landing. Best to continue inside.
He steps into the room, keeping a tight hold on Horatio's hand as though if he loses that connection he'll lose all his courage. The fluttering in his chest is back with a vengeance.]
What if-- [Mercury damn it, where's all his eloquence gone tonight?]
[A quick step keeps them close together as they enter the room. A tight squeeze keeps Horatio's pulse from jumping entirely out of control.
His other hand lifted to Archie's shoulder hopefully keeps them both grounded. The floor isn't actually swaying beneath their feet, but what helps in a violent storm will surely help here.
There's no one else he'd rather be clinging to.] What if?
[In this moment it would be the easiest thing in the world to lean over and kiss Horatio. That would convey a lot of what he's thinking, and perhaps be enough to gauge how amenable Horatio is.
But Archie had sworn to himself he'd never kiss someone-- really kiss them-- without their permission.
So he presses his lips together in thought, looking up at Horatio with the most earnest expression he can manage.]
[This is all right. This is the familiar safety of Archie's room in the quiet of Mercury's insula. This is the man he had trusted back home and very much trusts here. This is as far as either of them will ever get from the constraints of the Navy's rules and the nation's laws and the constriction of duty which demanded they be anyone but themselves.
All of that, surely, makes it something just shy of the end of the world that Archie Kennedy is asking earnestly--
Horatio's breath comes in a slight huff, like a man punched in the gut. His fingers squeeze thoughtlessly tighter into Archie's shoulder. His entire body seems to sway forward--and it takes a supreme effort to force himself back into stillness.]
What-- [His throat feels painfully dry.] --what if you did, Archie?
[And that's painfully horrifying to murmur aloud, even here, even now, even in the incredible safety of being alone exactly where they are. It's one thing to think it. It's one thing to wonder about it. It's one thing to drift through the strange new knowledge that this was something he shared with his oldest friend, something that made idle thoughts all the more feverish for their new sense of possibility.]
If...
[(The ghosts have faded. The voices actually ringing in his mind no longer echo through him. But the panic that those whispers had been true lingers, somewhere at the edge of every thought that might end with a kiss.)]
[ His hand holds Horatio's tighter at the words, a smile appearing at the corner of his mouth. ]
I'd hardly ask if I didn't. Want to.
[ It seems nothing at all to lean in and press his lips to Horatio's. It's light and quick, and Archie immediately pulls back enough that he can watch Horatoi's reaction. Horatio is a stickler for thinking he has to do the right thing in all situations. Best see if he can gauge the man's reaction first hand.]
The thought lingers in Horatio's mind even as he loses sight of his friend's curved lips while they press against his own. The kiss is such a brief, gentle thing that there's hardly enough time for his mind to be ripped away into the potential panic of it--or maybe there's just nothing so horrifying about kissing Archie when Archie wants to be kissed.
Now that's a thought worth letting his own lips twitch toward a smile about.]
...hm. [They're still standing. They still fit in this close, familiar space. Horatio has to close his eyes briefly to be certain, like breathing in the first lungful of air when a body got properly out into the high seas. (It feels a bit like that, with the same twist of contentment in his gut that takes worried years off his face for a heartbeat in spite of himself.)] All right?
More than all right. [ His voice is breathy and bright, more like a giddy schoolboy than the attractive young man he'd like to be seen as. ]
You?
[ He thinks he knows Horatio well enough, now. He thinks if Horatio really was averse then he'd show it. But Archie wants to hear it. He needs to know. ]
[ A grin starts to spread across his face and, instinctively he tries to hold it back. But no, there's no need for that. There's no need for guilt in the back of his mind that he might be taking advantage of a naive young man, someone who doesn't know how to say no. That's a proper smile on Horatio's face, and Archie brings their mouths together to better feel it against his.
He squeezes Horatio's hand tightly.]
You haven't any idea how long I've wanted to do that.
[God, but Archie looks happy. Horatio has seen Archie utterly pleased before, of course. There had been flickers of clear glee on particularly spirited days back home. There had been lovely flashes since they'd arrived here, when the city and the gods weren't dragging their minds down into the painful muck.
But this? This is the most uncompromisingly pleased he thinks he's ever seen his dearest friend.
That keeps Horatio's own lips pulled up at the corners, his entire body swaying just slightly with the unwieldy and utterly strange sensation of being perfectly content.]
Dear Horatio, I could have kissed you the very day you set foot on the Justinian.
[Just because Horatio seemed to be an attractive and kind soul. It had taken years to realise the true depth of humble gentleness combined with a wicked intelligence and tactical brilliance hidden behind a man who stumbled over his words when he felt out of his depth.]
[Suddenly, there are too many thoughts whirling in Horatio's mind. There are years of friendship to run back through and ponder over and search for clues that the idle (dangerous) impulses in his chest would have been welcome. There are thousands of small moments to go back and sift through, wondering after possibilities and hurts and the oddity of human affection. There are half a dozen moments that crowd for attention, rattling and shuddering against his heart in a painful cacophony of his own fragile emotions.
There's no thought to leaning forward again, lips pressing briefly firm against Archie's--only impulse and want and a strange new sensation of relief from some unnamed hurt in the back of his gut.
The kiss is chaste and momentary, but that doesn't stop Horatio murmuring as he pulls back.] --sorry.
[ An apology Archie quickly chases down and kisses from Horatio's lips in case there's anything else to follow. ]
You could hardly be a tactical genius and a mind-reader all in one, Horatio. I simply won't allow it.
[ Besides, he respected Horatio too much to put the man's future career in danger. Rome might consider a romance between two men to be acceptable, but the Articles were clear. ]
[It's rather difficult not to grin with Archie pressing in for a thoughtless little kiss. The gesture is so easy, so natural, so perfectly comfortable in the best friendship Horatio had ever known.
His breath comes in a soft, happy huff, forehead dropping comfortably into place for the moment against Archie's.
It would be lovely to be all things for Archie. It would be no less than Archie deserved, after all, to be adored by someone actually genuinely perfect. In a time and place like this, with duty eased and punishment infinitely far away, Horatio imagines a man could even become more perfect in the concentrated effort to perform well as a devotee. And yet--here Archie stands, as ever, accepting him exactly as he is.
The silence that grips Horatio for a moment is somewhere between a delirium of joy and the same overwhelmed confusion which had clung to him in his first twenty-four hours asea.]
[ The resting of their foreheads together feels familiar, harking back to shared quiet moments at sea when there was nothing to do but be glad about life and the company one shared it with. It's something of a relief to find that same comfort here with the feel of Horatio's mouth on his.]
Come on.
[ It's important to keep hold of Horatio's hand as he steps toward the bed. Sharing kisses hasn't changed anything so far as he's concerned, and he hopes a gentle tug towards bed will communicate that.
And since he can hardly help himself--] Though if you're hoping to put a notch in my bedpost, you're out of luck tonight. I'm about ready to sleep like the dead.
[Thank goodness for the hand tugging his own. It keeps the sudden rush of panic at the painfully gentle tease from entirely running away with Horatio's thoughts.]
Oh-- no, I--
[Archie's tugging, gentle and not insistent, just enough to prompt Horatio to step closer with him. Archie's smiling, calm and clearly contented, exactly as bright and easy as he's ever been when genuinely at ease.]
--we-- I can--
[But he can't get this wrong. He can't miss something here and wreck this precious thing they've just found themselves at the edge of.]
--should--?
[He doesn't want to go. He wants, desperately, to climb into Archie's bed and enjoy the comfort of being unashamed to curl in close and safe.
[ It's nice to know someone well enough to guess at the inner turmoil from the outward emotions. Archie's patient as Horatio stutters his way through a handful of unfinished, then reaches forward to grab him by his waist and tries to pull them down onto the bed. ]
Come on, you great pillock. [ There. Now they're on the bed. Both on the bed and they've kissed and the world hasn't ended. Archie keeps his hands about Horatio's waist but doesn't move to kiss him. There are Thoughts going on inside that head. ]
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2019-04-08 03:45 am (UTC)Come on. If stand about all night worrying ourselves to death it won't help either of us.
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Date: 2019-04-08 11:03 am (UTC)Not remotely odd, how half the compound must have landed on the idea the two young men were lovers.]
Lead the way, then.
[He'll sleep well, Horatio is fairly certain, with this weight lifted from his chest. Best of all if he's allowed to press in close, tangling long limbs into place so he can press himself in safe against Archie's collarbone. Perhaps he'll even test the theory while he's properly awake.]
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Date: 2019-04-09 10:37 am (UTC)The tightness in his chest is still there. He suspects he won't sleep easily tonight. Not now that Horatio is aware of what the talk is. Not with the man's warm fingers in his own.
For a moment he's caught up in his thoughts, forgetting to make the idle chatter that's usually his domain.
Surely it couldn't be that terrible if they were lovers. ]
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Date: 2019-04-10 11:13 am (UTC)It's just that, abruptly, it occurs to him how rare they are with Archie.
The idea of not taking the other man at his word is nearly impossible. Particularly here, with centuries of breathing room from their true duties, there had never been much reason to believe Archie wasn't being entirely candid with him. And hadn't the man just said things were all right? Hadn't they just made certain of one another again? Wouldn't it be infinitely worse to upset things now by dragging the question out again?
But the silence stretches, and puts a slight squirm into Horatio's shoulders when they reach the other man's door.] --all right, Archie?
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Date: 2019-06-06 10:05 am (UTC)It's one thing to think it, and entirely another to bring that thought out into the real living world.
A world which contained a possibility of ruining their so recently imperiled peace. ]
Just-- thinking.
[He doesn't elaborate yet, but there's nothing in his tone that forbids further inquiry.]
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Date: 2019-06-07 02:32 am (UTC)A beat helps bleed out the first wash of fear. A squeeze of the hand in his own helps make real the restored certainty between them.]
Oh?
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Date: 2019-06-07 03:08 am (UTC)A moment passes staring at Horatio before he remembers that they're still out on the landing. Best to continue inside.
He steps into the room, keeping a tight hold on Horatio's hand as though if he loses that connection he'll lose all his courage. The fluttering in his chest is back with a vengeance.]
What if-- [Mercury damn it, where's all his eloquence gone tonight?]
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Date: 2019-06-08 02:37 am (UTC)His other hand lifted to Archie's shoulder hopefully keeps them both grounded. The floor isn't actually swaying beneath their feet, but what helps in a violent storm will surely help here.
There's no one else he'd rather be clinging to.] What if?
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Date: 2019-06-09 11:59 pm (UTC)But Archie had sworn to himself he'd never kiss someone-- really kiss them-- without their permission.
So he presses his lips together in thought, looking up at Horatio with the most earnest expression he can manage.]
What if I were to kiss you, Horatio?
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Date: 2019-06-10 12:52 am (UTC)All of that, surely, makes it something just shy of the end of the world that Archie Kennedy is asking earnestly--
Horatio's breath comes in a slight huff, like a man punched in the gut. His fingers squeeze thoughtlessly tighter into Archie's shoulder. His entire body seems to sway forward--and it takes a supreme effort to force himself back into stillness.]
What-- [His throat feels painfully dry.] --what if you did, Archie?
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Date: 2019-06-10 01:10 am (UTC)[ Would it have been better to come at this jovially? Surely that would be better than the slight quaver in his voice.
But Horatio is holding his arm, and looking at him his lovely dark eyes, and Archie is certain he knows what that look means. Mostly certain. Quite.
Oh, lord. Has he been a fool all this time? ]
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Date: 2019-06-10 01:50 am (UTC)[And that's painfully horrifying to murmur aloud, even here, even now, even in the incredible safety of being alone exactly where they are. It's one thing to think it. It's one thing to wonder about it. It's one thing to drift through the strange new knowledge that this was something he shared with his oldest friend, something that made idle thoughts all the more feverish for their new sense of possibility.]
If...
[(The ghosts have faded. The voices actually ringing in his mind no longer echo through him. But the panic that those whispers had been true lingers, somewhere at the edge of every thought that might end with a kiss.)]
...if you wanted to.
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Date: 2019-06-10 02:09 am (UTC)I'd hardly ask if I didn't. Want to.
[ It seems nothing at all to lean in and press his lips to Horatio's. It's light and quick, and Archie immediately pulls back enough that he can watch Horatoi's reaction. Horatio is a stickler for thinking he has to do the right thing in all situations. Best see if he can gauge the man's reaction first hand.]
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Date: 2019-06-12 01:12 am (UTC)The thought lingers in Horatio's mind even as he loses sight of his friend's curved lips while they press against his own. The kiss is such a brief, gentle thing that there's hardly enough time for his mind to be ripped away into the potential panic of it--or maybe there's just nothing so horrifying about kissing Archie when Archie wants to be kissed.
Now that's a thought worth letting his own lips twitch toward a smile about.]
...hm. [They're still standing. They still fit in this close, familiar space. Horatio has to close his eyes briefly to be certain, like breathing in the first lungful of air when a body got properly out into the high seas. (It feels a bit like that, with the same twist of contentment in his gut that takes worried years off his face for a heartbeat in spite of himself.)] All right?
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Date: 2019-06-14 07:14 am (UTC)You?
[ He thinks he knows Horatio well enough, now. He thinks if Horatio really was averse then he'd show it. But Archie wants to hear it. He needs to know. ]
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Date: 2019-06-15 01:21 pm (UTC)It feels safe enough to shift a hair closer, forehead bumping gently against the other young man's.] More than all right, Archie.
[Not so terrible at all.]
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Date: 2019-06-16 05:17 am (UTC)He squeezes Horatio's hand tightly.]
You haven't any idea how long I've wanted to do that.
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Date: 2019-06-16 01:45 pm (UTC)But this? This is the most uncompromisingly pleased he thinks he's ever seen his dearest friend.
That keeps Horatio's own lips pulled up at the corners, his entire body swaying just slightly with the unwieldy and utterly strange sensation of being perfectly content.]
We've not-- been here that long.
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Date: 2019-06-18 10:41 am (UTC)Dear Horatio, I could have kissed you the very day you set foot on the Justinian.
[Just because Horatio seemed to be an attractive and kind soul. It had taken years to realise the true depth of humble gentleness combined with a wicked intelligence and tactical brilliance hidden behind a man who stumbled over his words when he felt out of his depth.]
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Date: 2019-06-19 11:21 am (UTC)There's no thought to leaning forward again, lips pressing briefly firm against Archie's--only impulse and want and a strange new sensation of relief from some unnamed hurt in the back of his gut.
The kiss is chaste and momentary, but that doesn't stop Horatio murmuring as he pulls back.] --sorry.
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Date: 2019-06-19 11:28 am (UTC)You could hardly be a tactical genius and a mind-reader all in one, Horatio. I simply won't allow it.
[ Besides, he respected Horatio too much to put the man's future career in danger. Rome might consider a romance between two men to be acceptable, but the Articles were clear. ]
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Date: 2019-06-23 02:01 am (UTC)His breath comes in a soft, happy huff, forehead dropping comfortably into place for the moment against Archie's.
It would be lovely to be all things for Archie. It would be no less than Archie deserved, after all, to be adored by someone actually genuinely perfect. In a time and place like this, with duty eased and punishment infinitely far away, Horatio imagines a man could even become more perfect in the concentrated effort to perform well as a devotee. And yet--here Archie stands, as ever, accepting him exactly as he is.
The silence that grips Horatio for a moment is somewhere between a delirium of joy and the same overwhelmed confusion which had clung to him in his first twenty-four hours asea.]
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Date: 2019-06-24 10:11 am (UTC)Come on.
[ It's important to keep hold of Horatio's hand as he steps toward the bed. Sharing kisses hasn't changed anything so far as he's concerned, and he hopes a gentle tug towards bed will communicate that.
And since he can hardly help himself--] Though if you're hoping to put a notch in my bedpost, you're out of luck tonight. I'm about ready to sleep like the dead.
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Date: 2019-06-26 11:20 am (UTC)Oh-- no, I--
[Archie's tugging, gentle and not insistent, just enough to prompt Horatio to step closer with him. Archie's smiling, calm and clearly contented, exactly as bright and easy as he's ever been when genuinely at ease.]
--we-- I can--
[But he can't get this wrong. He can't miss something here and wreck this precious thing they've just found themselves at the edge of.]
--should--?
[He doesn't want to go. He wants, desperately, to climb into Archie's bed and enjoy the comfort of being unashamed to curl in close and safe.
But he can't get this wrong.]
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Date: 2019-07-17 09:15 am (UTC)Come on, you great pillock. [ There. Now they're on the bed. Both on the bed and they've kissed and the world hasn't ended. Archie keeps his hands about Horatio's waist but doesn't move to kiss him. There are Thoughts going on inside that head. ]
Now. What are you thinking?
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